Embrace Your Inner Child


There are days when we forget that life is far too short to worry so much. We don’t know when our time is up and it’s a waste to hold onto what we cannot predict or control. None of us are ever going to be perfect and this life isn’t always going to make sense. To get too caught up in the idea of being grown up can make the best of us feel discouraged. The societal standards that say what careers, incomes, and attitudes make a successful human weigh us down. We cannot please everyone, and barely being able to pay our bills can feel deflating. There will be days where we cannot keep up the stamina and live in a world that praises productivity over relaxed ingenuity. We forget abundance is in everything!

I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying.


~Nelson Mandela

We can be responsible, make a living, and still love our lives. We don’t need to be another number in a cubicle, it’s advised to connect more with the spiritual. It makes our lives that much more full. There are ways to grow up and still be unconventional. Even if it means we work more doing what we love, occasionally being exhausted, it’s better than complaining about how we are miserable. It is possible to love being an adult by keeping the kid within intact. All of us are just adults pretending to have it figured out, and that’s not what life amounts to. Age is an attitude. And we all deserve to be valued. Vitality comes from taking responsibility, but also finding a way to live our lives more freely. Let your inner child integrate and be a dominant contributor to your mental state.


We Are More Similar Than We Are Different

The past four months I was living in Malawi, Africa. I was on a conquest to better the lives of others through service. My eagerness to jump into something uncomfortable and different than my previous life was part of my motivation for being a Peace Corps volunteer. I wanted to help without having a “save the world complex” but this ended up being more complex.

Before leaving I felt like I had no purpose and that my life would be better served helping those in need somewhere else. Peace Corps seemed like the perfect opportunity to be a leader, get out of my stuck circumstances, continue self-reliance, be more assertive, and to learn how to balance the challenge of helping others. All of which I did learn in unexpected ways.

Little did I know those good intentions are not always applicable. Our expectations of how things are supposed to pan out due to training and hopes often stand in the way of how things actually are. What we deem as helpful can sometimes be just as harmful.

Change is often small and undetectable. If one wants results helping a third world country as a lone volunteer, the search may be tiring and disheartening. The simple exchange of words at the market more impactful than interviewing village heads about the work that was needed in the community.

Small connections that broke the barrier of assumptions became the most important parts of my chunk of time in Malawi. If I did anything, I hope it was that I eased some generalization and deteriorated some of my preset interpretations. I tried to constantly remind my students and the people I worked with of the things that unite us versus the things that are not the same.

One of the most meaningful gifts we can give others is the opportunity for them to find the answers themselves. Peace Corps prides themselves on capacity building and using the people and resources available to create change. Theories are often good in theory but we face challenges when putting these theories into practice. The unlikelihood of sustainability and the realistic shortcomings that evolve from being an outsider trying to bring together insiders take their toll.

From contrasting and often conflicting beliefs and cultural norms to the necessary dependency on outside sources and people for survival, a volunteer can only do so much. When there is not enough for people to survive without more development, infrastructure, and overall tools for well-being it is difficult to shift a society by filling a job title and becoming a strange sort of idol just from showing up. No matter what one does, money, habits, language, physical differences, and cultural barriers are major separations and topics of concern.

Any form of comparison, wealth, skin color, education, material goods, religion, food, what we deem better or worse all giant contributors to discontent no matter what part of the world one is in. Just by being seen as a white American I was turned into this representation of “more” or “other”.  No matter where I went or how many people I introduced myself to, I was still, “azungu,” and not Madi. My Malawian coworkers still called me this after asking others not to. Even if there was no malicious intent behind this friendly exclamation, there is the habit of categorizing a person into a concept versus a human, something we all are capable of doing.

Being a minority in any circumstance brings out a lot of ugly as well as strength. I ended up feeling shame and guilt for what I had accumulated and deemed meaningful, turning the mirror back on myself. All great change starts with realizing where our perspectives may need to shift.

The true focus of revolutionary change is never merely the oppressive situations which we seek to escape, but that piece of the oppressor which is planted deep within each of us.  ~Audre Lorde

What seems like very little to us in America is a tremendous amount to many in Malawi. Even while trying to conceal and blend in, our presence as volunteers was a constant reminder to those around us of what they were not and what they did not have. I am not saying that having or being more is not possible for those I served, it is more than possible, but the comparison is what makes trying to survive even more painful.

In America, we have so many choices, and we get bogged down on what is the “best”. We forget we are enough as we are because there is so much we could be, have, eat, or do. There are limitless possibilities, which can cause many anxieties and inadequacies. Then we go somewhere like Malawi, where there are often only a few choices, and as volunteers, we bring more choices in. The same pain of a “better” way stops all of us from experiencing the full joy of the way things are. Progress is necessary, and complacency is not the goal, but the comparison is crippling.

An unnatural power dynamic appears based on an unwanted image of privilege and wasn’t something I wanted to represent. Many people continuously asked me for money and could not grasp that we were there to create connections and not provide incentive. Conditioned relationships often become a major part of survival. Explaining unconditioned love, difficult.

In order to help a struggling society, there is the obstacle of money, the judging of differences versus finding similarities, and resources. The only way to deter these views was through my words, thoughts, and actions; though perspectives are often stuck in others and I can only control my own. Some of my perspectives difficult to alter when trying to accept differing cultural norms such as abuse of the disabled, women’s oppression, harmful superstition, malnourished/neglected children, domestic violence and animal cruelty.

I found myself looking at the bigger picture when starting to feel like I was not part of a greater solution. My living situation became unsafe and I had to make a choice of either accepting what was against my own values or to stay and do something I might not have been meant to do. I choose what to believe, do, see and hear. We can all change these beliefs or values at any time, but we have to decide which ones to hold on to or let go of. Beliefs either being our greatest barriers against love or what tears all of the barriers down. There is plenty of love and service to give no matter the location. We don’t need some grand purpose to matter to others, we just need to be a part of other’s lives.

Going to Malawi was a strong reminder that I am only a witness, capable of planting seeds that others can choose to water or nourish on their own. The fact that I have the freedom to choose which values I want to accept and which path is right for me, is a gift others may not discover in this lifetime.

Living my life and enjoying the people and opportunities I’ve been given is a way of honoring those who would love to be able to do the same. There is so much I have no control over other than the way I approach my life, and in turn that is how I affect other’s lives. My mistakes and lessons are mine to grow from, and maybe another can benefit from those lessons as well.

What seemed like problems to me before appears trivial now. Everything we do and think only a part of our growth at the time, as long as we always do the best we can and don’t harm ourselves or others along the way. Sometimes our best isn’t tremendous, but it’s enough as long as we continue to learn.

One of the most valuable lessons I was taught by being in Malawi is to appreciate every second. There was a joy to be found in the effort. When one must work for one’s needs, there is more gratitude for what one has. From carrying water and boiling it, being isolated in a place where you can only show parts of your identity, standing in a bucket to bathe, not having a healthy functioning digestive tract, constantly facing rejection, I will take much less for granted. Nor does rejection, confrontation, being misunderstood, or living outside of my comfort zone seem as scary anymore.

I’m not meant to save the world, I’m only supposed to be a part of it. Each interaction counts, and sometimes just interacting is the best way to be of service. We can stop seeking purpose but instead live with purpose.

Yoga and Self Development

When I was a little girl I thought being in my twenties would be the best time in my life. I imagined having a highly respectable job, being really good at what I do and perfectly happy. All of these ideas have nothing to do with the overall goal of leading a meaningful life.

No-one warns you that in your twenties you will be faced with who you have been and who you are becoming. This reality hits people in their twenties and throughout life like a freight train at full speed. These questions present themselves in full force:

Who am I really?

Am I my job?

Am I my personality?

Am I what I own?

What defines me?

I have found that being busy and prestigious has very little to do with who we are. Our personalities are not necessarily us. I am not really defined by anything. I just am. I exist. Can it possibly be that simple? Maybe.

Our worth is not dependent on what we possess or what job title we are given. Being the “best” has no value if we are disconnected from knowing who we essentially are. No partner, dream job or amount of money can provide worthiness.

I spent way too much time trying to be what I thought was required of an emerging adult. I realized none of what I try to be is actually helping me understand who I am. Being an “adult” is an overrated concept. Being content, finding simplicity and truth seems more fulfilling. A lot of adult life is based on an idea that we do not have enough and are never enough. These are lies. I already have enough and I am enough as I am. By coming to this conclusion true success will begin.

The work starts when we step away from everything we are “attaining” and instead step towards what teaches us how to be as we are.  We can begin to uncover the person behind the job, the success, the money and the masks we parade around in.

I am essentially a part of everything and everything is a part of me. Becoming who we are is a life long journey and by no means is it easy.

A path of self-study can be a path yoga. The path to the Self is often highlighted during the first quarter of our lives. The path of yoga and many other paths lead towards a simple truth, unity.

We hopefully unite with the Self and in return become less selfish. We are able to see ourselves as everybody. We see outward by trusting what is going on inward. There is no us and them. Less me and more we.

Unity could refer to a deep connection to a higher power too depending on your views. A deep connection to all that is, is a connection to the Self. When we unite we are present and finally free. The light in me is the light in you.

This is a short film of young adults in their twenties and beyond. Yoga, self-study, and forms of meditation have helped each of these lovely individuals and myself determine how to become more present: